I made it.
That's it. That's the summary.
No, okay, I'll go into a little bit more detail. But I think it's telling that it's taken me a month since classes got out to be able to write this post.
This is been the most grueling, anxiety filled year for me since my freshman year of college back in 2006. That seems a long time ago, and the person I was then seems so far from who I am now, and yet there have been times in the last nine months where I've thought, "hey, I remember you. You're that scared kid who panic-cried through a two hour phone call to your mom on your first night away from home." And I guess that makes sense, because this year I started school all over again, and I never expected it to be such a difficult transition. When I think about it, it's more like jumping suddenly into junior year than it is like starting as a freshman. In a two-year program you're immediately confronted with things like graduation requirements, internships, and thesis work from your first day. I remember talking to a friend of mine back in September who said, "Graduate school is great, but if you can help it, don't go." I think I understand that frame of mind a little better now. I love it, but it's not easy.
So here I am on the other side of the semester, looking back triumphantly (and with relief) and what I've accomplished so far. Let's start with classes:
- Hebrew Reading - This class was SO great, and the only bad thing I can say about it is that having class once a week (and at 8am no less) was not very conducive to helping me keep up the language during the other 6 days. That said, we read through some classic texts, talked about translation issues, boned up on vocab, and I feel much more comfortable with the language and translating it (as long as I have my trusty dictionaries around). I still can't read and translate a sentence in Hebrew the way I can with Spanish, but I can get an approximation, and more than anything I can see problem words in English translations immediately, and go back and check the Hebrew to see whether an English translation is taking liberties. It's amazing how translation can help you understand and form interpretations, and help you understand how other people may have come to different conclusions, even if you don't agree with them.
- Pauline Tradition - Severely disappointed by this class. Not being a big fan of Paul to begin with, I was hoping that I'd learn more about context, or about what we know about Paul himself, or even about how we interpret Paul in the modern world. What I got was a class on Greek stoicism and how Paul used stoic ideas to his own ends at certain times, and refuted them at other times. Most of what I got out of this class, I had already read on my own. The major problem was the professor's teaching style (no syllabus, no reading dates, no lecture notes. Just tangential rambling.), and I'm thinking about auditing it with another professor before I graduate, just to see if I can glean anything useful.
- Gospel and Epistles of John - I'm SO glad I took this class. It's an upper level elective, and not many people take it. I've come to the conclusion that John is the most overlooked gospel, not being one of the synoptics, and most people don't seem to care for it. I gather that this is because it's the one which deals with more of the philosophical themes, as if the author had read the synoptics and thought, "alright, now I'll write one with the same characters, and the same lessons, but instead of writing it like a children's book I'll write it like a novel." Personally, I'm a fan. I'm excited to take my synoptics class and do some compare and contrast!
- Prophets - A wonderful overview of the prophetic writings by a wonderful professor who truly believes that these texts speak to us today. Care of creation, care of the widow and the orphan, freeing the captives and the oppressed, calling out those who trample others for their own gain, seeing ourselves as those very people who live in excess and ignore the needy; these are the words humans always need to hear. How do we grapple with a God who changes God's mind? How do we deal with interpretations that see Christ in what are essentially Jewish texts? I used to ignore the Old Testament after about 2nd Chronicles. Now I find there's a rich world of poetry and prayer and philosophy I've never really read.
In addition to these four classes, I also audited a class on youth ministry in the church, which was informative, but unfortunately I've found that if I'm not doing all the reading and writing for a class, I just don't take as much in. Still, it got me thinking and discussing with my classmates, and was a helpful extension to the youth ministry class I took in the Fall.
And then of course there's my ministry internship. I finally made the decision last month to curtail it by a year, and so I'll be finishing up there mid-July and helping the kids transition over to the care of a new youth minister. There were a lot of reasons for this, some of which include the internship no longer being part of the requirement for my degree since I changed programs, the fact that I'm going to be writing a giant thesis next year (which IS a requirement), and findig that the anxiety surrounding the job (and just in general) has become so bad that I feel like the community would be served better by someone else. It was a really hard decision to make, but I'm sure that it's the right one. Now that I've had some time to work through the sadness of the decision and announcement (my own and others), I'm excited about the possibility of concentrating all of my energy on school next year, both in class and in writing my thesis.
So, even though this year, and particularly spring semester, has been unexpectedly difficult, I'm already getting excited about the Fall. In fact, I've already picked out my classes, though I can't register for another few weeks. I take that as a good sign. This is a big mountain I'm climbing, and there are some things I need to deal with, a few things I've needed to face, and some self-care that's a long time coming, but I'm still looking up, and I'm starting to feel really good again. I'm thankful for the help I've received, and I'm really proud of myself for making it this far.
I can't wait to see what's next.
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